Birds of Familial Feathers Flock to Polish Reunions...? (help i cannot title things)

I googled "birds of a feather flock together" and this showed up.

Hey all! This week in class was perhaps the first week I was flooded (hahaha) with ideas of what to write about for my blog. It was all so difficult to remember all of my brilliant ideas, but I managed to recall one very prominent example. From what you have gleaned from the picture (er, just the caption, actually) it is about BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCKING TOGETHERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! [/ancient wisdom] Also here is what I am listening to today:

The saying "birds of a feather flock" together is supported by many social findings! Mostly relevant is that we DO tend to befriend and enjoy those most similar to us (Montoya et al., 2008). One reason for this is that people who are similar to us are more like us and since we like ourselves SO much these relations tend to work out very well (Bryne, 1997). I feel as though I bring all of my post back to me being a particularly awkward middle schooler, but alas! I must do it again. It was a cold and lonely winter when I made my first appearance at the annual Polish New Year's party. My extended Utahian family was gathered and everyone was yelling in Polish and drinking and hugging everyone and asking me to dance and effectively scaring the shit out of me. I retreated, awkward thirteen year-old style, to the only empty room in the house and buried myself under a pile of coats on the couch in what was perhaps the epitome of my awkward phase.

Then suddenly, a stranger entered the room.

INTRUDER

In my cave of coats I held my breath and stayed still for what seemed like an infinitely long time. After hearing no further noise, I poked my head out of my coated-cover. Surprisingly, the stranger was still there, just staring out of the window. Hearing me he turned, looked at me, and asked "are you hiding from people too?" in a manner that suggested no judgment at finding me buried under coats in a dark room on a New Years Eve Polish party. We introduced ourselves and realized that we were cousins who had never met who hated social gatherings in equal amounts.

And we talked for four hours in that dark room where we bonded over Eragon and his ability to play Linkin Park songs on the piano and everything else imaginable. I was ecstatic; I had found someone with interests, mannerisms, and life views incredibly similar to mine. As such, I thought this person who bore so many similarities to me was incredibly likeable since he was so much like ME! What a wonderful moment of recognition in finding such companionship.

This example stuck out because about a month after this interaction I was told that shortly after our night of bonding and self-sharing he had been "finally" put in a psych ward. Apparently he had been mentally ill for some while, but his schizophrenia and bipolar disorder had finally become so disruptive and unsafe that he had to be removed from high school and placed into said psych ward.

Did not see that one coming. Probably should have.

Now even before I knew anything about social psychology I was able to realize that being able to find so many similarities between me and a person who was apparently in an extremely unstable mental state was not a thing I wanted. So when in class today we learned that liking similar people was not applicable when said similar person was "socially undesirable" (Rosenbaum, 1986).

And that, dear reader, is a clear example of how similarity can quickly foster a sense of connection that reaffirms one's identity AS LONG AS we are comfortable being similar to the other individual. Now, just because I no longer felt better about myself as a result of my similarities with my cousin did not in any way mean that I was unable to continue a positive relationship with him. It did, however, mean that my positive view of the relationship did not solely hinge on finding comfort on likening my behaviour to an individual with severe schizophrenia.

Also, on a lighter note, now that I am older I am able to fully enjoy these Polish New Years Eve parties without hiding in the coat closet with strangers! Hooray for growing out of horribly awkward phases and learning to enjoy experiences now that I was more similar in attitudes (/drunkedness) to the people at these parties!

Surrounded by sequins and Polish-speaking strangers but OKAY WITH IT.

Word count: 757

Bryne, D. (1997). An overview (and underview) of research and theory within the attraction paradigm. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 14, 417-431.

Montoya, R. M., Horton, R. S., & Kirchner, J. (2008). Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta-analysis of actual and perceived similarity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25, 889-922.

Rosenbaum, M. E. (1986). The repulsion hypothesis: On the nondevelopment of relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 1156-1166.